Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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