Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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