I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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