he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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