i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
