You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
