I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
