Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
