she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
