You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
