Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
