Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
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