On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
