If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
