Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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