She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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