I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
