his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
