Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize
