I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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