I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
