never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
