So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
It's just like the Real World with babies
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
