the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
