every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
