It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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