Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
