her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize