Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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