Pappa wants mamma naked
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
