$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
love makes seman taste better
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
