OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
