Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize