as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
