My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
