you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
