Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
