Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
