my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
