Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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