i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
