Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize