I hate all girls vehemently.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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