A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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