sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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