Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
