just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Randomize
