According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
