So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
