Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
