We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
