My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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