I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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