She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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