If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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