Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I should be sponsored by Trojan
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
