And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
