Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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