the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Boobs speak an international language.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
