I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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