yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
