I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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