be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
