Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
