whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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