Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
