I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
All I want is dick and wine.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
