Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Randomize
