I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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